Summer Days

Nothing better than a summer afternoon spent underneath the shade of a huge pecan tree with my four favorite people. Wilder, Whitley, and Wyatt playing on the slip in slide in their shorts while eating a big juicy watermelon. Wylie and I sitting on the milkstand observing the play and also enjoying our slices of watermelon. I think to myself, these are the days I will miss 30+ years from now. The big kids laughing and playing and Wylie drooling watermelon all over her bare belly standing next to me. I don't think it could get any better, well maybe, if I could wish Dave here...then it would be perfect.

I won't lie and say that these past couple of weeks have been easy. Dave has been gone for 4 weeks and still has another 2.5 to go. This second miscarriage has left me with another hole. I have pretty much withdrawn from friends and family around me. I don't feel like I could be good company, not feeling too chatty. I have been running people off the phone, I have a couple of people to apologize to (including my spouse). I am not a big crier, it is hard to just let go. Well I finally broke down. I was checking facebook and came across pics of a friend of mine and a beautiful pic of her prego belly, we were due days apart for November babies. I just felt sick and turned off the computer. Amy and I spoke later that night and I was telling her about the pic and how I should be 17 weeks pregnant and I lost it. If felt sooo good to just let some of it out.

On a more positive note, I woke up this morning and forced myself to go to Church, and I enjoyed it! I was overwhelmed with the task and even more with the thought of having to smile and pretend all was well. It was really refreshing to see everyone again, we haven't been in at least 8 months. The kids were so excited, they kept saying, "Mom, Church is the best place, I love Church." It felt good to get them out, I'm sure I haven't been the best company...enter the guilty feeling again:(

Vacation Bible School starts tomorrow, and I honestly wasn't going to take them. It is a pain to do the round trip into town twice in a couple of hours. Especially with Wylie napping twice a day. Guess what, our Pasteur offered to come and pick up the older two and bring them home all week! How awesome is that! They are super excited, Wyatt not so much, but one more year and he'll be in on the fun.

As for the weight ticker up top, wondering why it hasn't moved?? Well not doing too good there. Food tends to be my friend these days...emotional eater (yes, I'm guilty). Trying to get back on the wagon...but I am taking Amy's advice and living my life. When I am ready to tackle these last pounds I'll start. I am going to leave the ticker up top, it will move again...just hopefully not up:)